Why Are We Pushing NFP? Because Sometimes It's Needed.

Emerging from my blogging hiatus to address a particularly tiresome article from the "holier-than-thou" Church brigade.

This time it's Michael Voris hosting an article by Dr. Jay Boyd, claiming that the Church is wrong in "pushing" NFP.

Note that Boyd claims NFP is licit, but claims that those using it to avoid pregnancy aren't adequately discerning grave reasons to do so. She implies that there are very few grave reasons in which it is necessary for a Catholic couple to avoid pregnancy, and it's far better to simply have has many babies as physically possible and leave the rest up to God. (Which is kind of like throwing yourself off a cliff and trusting God to save you.)

This is the comment I left in reply, in its entirety:

From Gaudiem et Spes, by Pope Paul VI:

"Let [parents] thoughtfully take into account both their own welfare and that of their children, those already born and those which the future may bring. For this accounting they need to reckon with both the material and the spiritual conditions of the times as well as of their state in life. Finally, they should consult the interests of the family group, of temporal society, and of the Church herself. The parents themselves and no one else [not Jay Boyd, and not Michael Voris] should ultimately make this judgment in the sight of God. But in their manner of acting, spouses should be aware that they cannot proceed arbitrarily, but must always be governed according to a conscience dutifully conformed to the divine law itself, and should be submissive toward the Church's teaching office, which authentically interprets that law in the light of the Gospel. That divine law reveals and protects the integral meaning of conjugal love, and impels it toward a truly human fulfillment. Thus, trusting in divine Providence and refining the spirit of sacrifice,(12) married Christians glorify the Creator and strive toward fulfillment in Christ when with a generous human and Christian sense of responsibility they acquit themselves of the duty to procreate."

I've heard Jay Boyd make the claim before that use of NFP is not virtuous. However, she has never been able to back up that claim with actual Church teaching.

The Church, contrary to what Jay Boyd and Michael Voris claim, does not teach that every couple MUST use NFP. She teaches that the parents themselves, and no one else, should make decisions regarding family size in the sight of God (see quote from Gaudiem et Spes above). Sometimes that means using NFP to avoid. Sometimes that means using NFP to acheive. Sometimes that means not using NFP at all. A Catholic couple can do all three in the course of their married life, depending on their circumstances.

It makes no sense, as Jay Boyd is trying to claim, that the Church says NFP is licit but that it should not be used. If it is licit, then Catholics can freely discern whether or not they should use it, and if their reasons are just. Those reasons, however, are subjective, not objective, and only the couple themselves, in the sight of God, can decide if their reasons are just.

It seems Dr. Boyd and Michael Voris are practicing Matthew 23:4: "For they bind heavy and insupportable burdens, and lay them on men's shoulders; but with a finger of their own they will not move them."

Michael Voris is not married. Dr. Boyd had a tubal ligation after two children because she was unaware of Church teaching re: sterilization. They have never had to shoulder the burden of a large family in tandem with the financial difficulties of a subpar economy, mental stress and/or illness, physical illness, etc. (Please note that large families are WONDERFUL and joyful, and those who have large families are to be commended for their great generosity. However, the blessing of a large family also comes with great responsibility, especially financially, unless one is blessed to be independently wealthy.) So it is easy for them to say that couples "overuse" NFP. But thankfully the Church does not teach what they claim it does.

Edit: And because I'm sure I'll be asked - my husband and I have been married since 2001 and Catholic since 2003. We have 5 children on earth, and 3 in heaven. My most recent miscarriage was in June 2015. My doctor has recommended that we avoid pregnancy for 3 months in order to give my body a chance to heal. I'm sure Jay Boyd and Michael Voris would think this reason is not sufficient, but my husband and I have discerned through prayer and reflection that it is, and thus we are using the Marquette Method of NFP to avoid pregnancy. Thankfully we, not them, have the final say in the sight of God. We reevaluate our reasons for avoiding at the start of every cycle to determine of they are indeed just reasons to avoid.

Not surprisingly - although hilariously - Mr. Voris redacted my comment, claiming it was an "ad hominem" attack, and that the details of his and Dr. Boyd's personal lives were irrelevant. [Note: since that time, a moderator for Church Militant contacted me to let me know that he, not Mr. Voris personally, redacted my comment. I have since been banned from commenting at Voris' blog. I guess he just can't handle the truth.]

On the contrary, I think it is very relevant. It's simple truth that those facts are VERY pertinent given the scope of their arguments against NFP. They've never been "in the trenches," so to speak, yet they claim authority on this topic. Neither of them have never had any experience whatsoever with needing to discern their family size in the context of Catholic moral teaching, yet they claim that those of us who are obligated to make this discernment are somehow not being generous enough (despite Church teaching that says no one else can make that judgement except the couple themselves in the sight of God).

Have you heard the conservative argument that it's very easy for liberals to be generous with someone else's money? In the same vein, it's easy for the unmarried (Voris) or sterilized (Boyd) to be generous with someone else's fertility. It's no trouble at all to claim that others can and should have 10+ children when you don't have to bear the burden of feeding, clothing, educating, cleaning up after, and spiritually tending those children.

It's easy for them to tell another couple they aren't being generous enough with their family size when they don't have to pay that couple's mortgage, grocery bills, utilities, car payment(s), student loan and/or medical debt, and other expenses.

It's easy for them to tell another couple they aren't being generous enough with their family size when they don't suffer from hyperemesis gravidarum, bipolar disorder, postpartum depression, or other illnesses.

But for those of us struggling to raise a larger-then-average family in the midst of financial hardship, mental or physical illness, and other serious concerns, we recognize the Church's wisdom in encouraging us to know and learn a method of natural family planning so we can use it if and when we discern it is prudent to do so (and remember, the Church calls us to responsible parenthood, which encompasses generosity and prudence - not just generosity).

Why does the Church "push" NFP? Because it's better to learn NFP in the months leading up to your wedding when you are (presumably) not having sex, so you can chart your cycles and learn your body without having to factor in intercourse. After the wedding, you and your spouse can discern what to do - avoid, achieve, or just ignore NFP completely if that's what you feel God is calling you to do. And if there comes a time where you discern that avoiding pregnancy is needed, you already have the knowledge at your fingertips and don't have the added stress of trying to learn a method from scratch in the midst of stressful conditions (new baby, health difficulties, financial woes, etc.).

The Church also "pushes" NFP because so few Catholics use it. That's what baffles me about Voris, Boyd, and others who discourage NFP. Talk about straining at gnats while swallowing camels! Any Catholic couple who chooses to avoid pregnancy and elects to use NFP instead of contraception should be commended, not condemned. Even if their motives aren't 100% pure (which is impossible for anyone but the couple themselves to discern), at least they are trying to act morally, which is a good first step toward a complete conversion of heart regarding their family size.

After all, NFP can be hard. It’s almost like it was designed to persuade couples who do have allegedly selfish motives that the reasons they have to avoid pregnancy aren’t really that serious. Who voluntarily abstains from sex with their spouse if they don't have a really good reason for doing so?

If Catholics are inclined to be selfish, they aren’t going to use a method like NFP, which requires one to be selfless. As blogger John Gerardi says, “When Catholics want to be selfish, they don’t use a method of fertility planning that involves enormous amounts of self control and long periods of continence.  They just use contraception, something naturally tailored for people who are trying to be selfish.”

How does it make sense to attack Catholics who are trying to do the right thing? How does it make sense to take a situation than you have never been in, yourself, and presume to make judgement about it? I don't mind when my priest gives me advice about discerning family size - in fact I welcome his advice, because he knows, thanks to the confessional, the intimate details of my life, my marriage, and my struggles. He's heard the confessions of other couples in my position. He's studied for years, as part of his vocation, to counsel couples in these situations. He is the one of the shepherds the Church has appointed to help me make spiritual decisions.

Neither Voris nor Boyd have been appointed by the Church as the shepherds of other Catholics' fertility - they have taken that responsibility unto themselves and it is most emphatically not needed.

But I will extend an offer to them. They can come and live in my home, among my family, and help my husband and I raise our children and pay our bills. Then, perhaps, we will consult them when discerning our family size.

Otherwise, they should butt out.

NFP Saved My Life and My Marriage

The following is a series of blog comments posted by Heidi at Little Catholic Bubble. They were so good that I asked her if I could consolidate them into a guest post on my blog, and she graciously agreed. Heidi blogs at Bringing Theo Home, which is about her family's journey to adopt a little boy with Down Syndrome from Hong Kong.

Graphic courtesy of http://www.iusenfp.com

I grew up in the deep South. Being Catholic was NOT the cool thing to do (I can go on and on about how we were treated, but let's just say you were the target of most of the Protestant religions. Masses were crashed and priests spit on, I was once the focus of an "intervention" by my friend's parents to "save" me, etc). My parents, who are very much "cafeteria Catholics", scrimped and saved to send me and my siblings to a Catholic high school. The only one in a 4 hour radius, to be exact. I am not at all exaggerating when I say that this decision on their part saved my life. I went through a DEEP depression in college, and it was the Truth that I was taught there that kept me from killing myself. The beacon of the Church was the ONLY thing I was able to cling to during that time period. (I actually haven't talked about this time period in my life with anyone other than my husband, so those of you who know me IRL....umm...surprise!).

One of the things that this school did well was teach the Faith as a tapestry - it permeated every aspect of our education, like Catholicism does in real life. This included the sciences - I was taught an incredible amount of anatomy and physiology....concurrently being taught Catholic moral theology (which includes these sexual issues) in my religion classes. We were taught a basic form of mucus-only NFP, WHILE being taught about the dignity of both male and female and life. Basically, it wasn't "Don't do this, don't do that," it was "you are made in the image and likeness of God and your worth and dignity is found in that truth...and you should NEVER be exploited." As I came through the early part of my 20s (the deep depression), I started to realize just how much that foundation was the saving grace for me. If I had NOT been taught about this innate dignity - as well as the intricacy of human reproduction - but instead, relied on what I was being told by my OB/GYNs and the culture, at large, I'm pretty sure I'd either be dead or at least divorced at this point. Even though the culture and the medical world was telling me that contraception and casual sex was the way to "empowerment".....it lead me into a deep, dark place full of bitterness and hurt (every time I think of CS's comment about the "constant sobbing", I flash back to college life and my contraceptive years).

My husband and I met early and started dating young (18 - he was the first person I met at college, after my roommate). We were married at 22, after finishing college in 3 years each. We were not at all chaste during this period. (We gave in to the culture). In some ways, I guess we were "better" than we could have been, in that we were in a committed relationship and not sleeping around, but this period of time involves some of my greatest regrets. I degraded myself, and I degraded him. We both used each other, not empowered each other. I had been put on BC as a "solution" to my PCOS, and honestly, the fact that I was already taking it for "medical reasons" led me to give into the rest of the culture. I wish I hadn't.


We were married young, on purpose. He was entering medical school, and we didn't want to delay our marriage for at least 8 more years (med school + residency, which could have extended if he'd decided to do a fellowship as well). One of my clearest memories was after he proposed, when we *finally* discussed plans for children during our marriage. Thank God I'd had that foundation in high school - I flat out told him that I was not going to be on birth control during our marriage. It wasn't really "fixing" my symptoms, even after shopping around for doctors and prescriptions, and the side effects were horrible (little did I know how much they were effecting the other things I was dealing with at the time - relationship issues due to a low libido, weight gain, hormonal swings that were CRAZY, high blood pressure, etc), and I firmly believed that marriages needed to be built on an openness to children. (It's funny to me now, how I was able to "divorce" the sexual act from marriage - I had no moral problems with birth control and sleeping with my husband BEFORE marriage....but once that wedding happened, it was "wrong" in my thoughts...).

We were married at 22, like I said, and got pregnant right away. Unfortunately, that pregnancy ended in a miscarriage. I was devastated. I started researching the birth control options that I'd been on and learned things about birth control and miscarriage rates, breast cancer, infertility. I was livid that I hadn't been told these things by ANY of the doctors I'd seen, even though they're well-documented in medical literature. Part of this blame I accept as my fault - I should have done the research BEFORE taking it. We did successfully get pregnant and maintain that pregnancy full-term, having our first little boy a year later, at 23.

Having children young was the BEST decision we EVER made. I cannot say that enough. Was it hard? You betcha. My family lived 9 hours away, his lived 4 hours away, and all of our friends from college had graduated and moved on by the time we had kids (we stayed at the same college for med school as we were at for undergrad - most of our friends graduated and left the state for jobs). Our parish "community outreach" was a joke - we had no support there. Parts of the country are like that, I've lived both in parishes like that and in Leila's diocese. Night and day difference. We had NO money. I was working, but it was an entry-level job that I'd gotten in college to pay for school and only kept because the health benefits were fantastic (it was a union job) and we needed that as a young family. He waited tables when he wasn't in class or studying. The only financial support we had from family was $100/month on my parent's credit card for groceries. We had no physical support - we had to make our own.

Having that experience (we had our second child 17 months later, on purpose - I knew enough NFP from high school that we were able to use what I knew about my body to "better" our chances of conceiving, haha) is what strengthened our marriage. It's what pulled me out of my depression. Was it easy? Not at all. I cried myself to sleep quite often, out of sheer exhaustion. But the joy that those two little boys brought to my husband and I - the PURPOSE they gave our lives - made every dinner of ramen noodles or the driving to the post office on a particular day instead of another, in hopes that we could have a bill payment cashed on one day instead of another, worth it. We were no longer two people living side-by-side, as we had been pre-kids, but a team that *had* to rely on each other. I won't idealize it - there were days when I just got in the car and had to drive away because i was so stressed and angry at my husband that I couldn't look at his face. We were very, very strapped, not at all "flourishing" by the world's standards (or even my own at that point), but our *souls* were flourishing. We were growing in virtue - especially growing in charity. We have to remember that the Church deals in matters of souls.....

After baby boy #2, I had a severe recurrence of symptoms from my PCOS. I went to my OB/GYN and she prescribed yet another form of birth control, citing it as my only option. Not knowing any better, and again, not doing my research yet, I started using it. (apparently, I'm a slow learner). At this point, my husband had started his training in OB/GYN. Let me tell you, there is pretty much NO discussion of anything other than birth control during this kind of residency. He only received ONE lecture on NFP....and it was one that he gave after receiving training at the Pope Paul VI Institute. Birth control is presented as the only option/treatment for quite a few reproductive issues, and definitely as the only "reliable" option when it comes to avoiding pregnancy (which makes me giggle, honestly, considering the high user-failure rate of birth control).

The year that followed was the worst of our marriage. My libido was gone. We were not attracted to each other AT ALL and my emotions were all over the place. I know now that there is science behind a lot of what we experienced, but at the time, I didn't. We went back to living like roommates, and our parenting suffered. There was one instance that chills me to the bone now....that almost resulted in me packing my bags and taking the two boys and leaving him. I was determined to do so. To this day, I thank God that my husband is as strong as he is. He was the first one to - on his own - start researching alternatives to birth control and mainstream OB/GYN care. He was the first one to find NaProTechnology and research it - he knew, after those years without birth control (even though we were both working full time and he was attending med school full time AND we had two kids under age 3...so stress level was pretty much the same, if not less in residency since I was no longer working as many hours), that the Heidi he was seeing at home was not the real Heidi. (Mind you, this was birth control option #4....it was not a simple "wrong dose" experience - I'd had this same experience on ALL of the forms). He found NaPro, explained it to me, and we found a way to get the help that I actually needed to get control of my PCOS symptoms...without the birth control.

When I stopped taking it, my life turned around completely. I finally felt "normal" again. My libido was back. I still had symptoms that I was dealing with, but I *finally* had someone who told me that they weren't actually normal and that they were tied to something else going on in my body that we COULD fix. Before this point, I was told by multiple doctors that these were just "common complaints" and that birth control would fix things. Looking back, I see now the beauty and truth found in Humanae Vitae. NFP literally saved my life and my marriage.

We did go on to have a third little boy, during residency. A lot of people told us that we were being irresponsible. After all, my husband was working 80-100 hours a week, we were going into our third year of residency (the worst one, schedule wise), and he was only making $3/hour. However, I firmly believe with every ounce of my body that the irresponsible move on our part would have been to avoid conceiving our third son. Everyone around us (remember, we were submerged in a dead parish and the mainstream OB/GYN world) told us we needed to be "done" at two. Most of their reasons had to do with finances and lifestyle choices - we'd need a bigger car, we needed to pay off med school debt, we wouldn't be able to take vacations, we didn't have family nearby, my husband wasn't home very much, etc. Responsible parenting, in their eyes, would be securing these things FIRST.

They were wrong. Responsible parenting meant being the best parents we could be to our children. Being open to life was responsible parenting for us. Our third child is integral to our family. I cannot imagine the void that would be there if we had done what was "responsible" in the culture's eyes and stopped after our second son. In fact, before Leila even posted this thread, I posted a status on FB that said just that - I am grateful to God every.single.day that He changed our hearts, that He allowed for my high school foundation and knowledge, and that we have our children that came after #2 (#3 who is here already, #4 who we are in-process of adopting, and #5 that I'm currently pregnant with).

I recognize that not every story will sound like mine. But the statistics support the fact that the vast majority of those who do use NFP find joy through the suffering that they may experience. I think NFP changes your HEART more than it changes anything else. Contraception doesn't force you to examine your priorities every month, or examine your world views, or grow your communication skills and get creative in how you show your love quite like NFP does. The biggest thing that I noticed between my NFP life and my contraceptive life (other than the side effects) was a very noticeable change in my worldview and my heart. I was *forced* to grow in virtue. I was forced to acknowledge the truth about sex and marriage (biological truths), and order my life accordingly. Living in denial of truth does not lead to empowerment....it leads to bitterness and pain. Living in accordance with the truth is what leads to joy. And no matter how much we want to deny it, the biological truth written on our bodies is that sex leads to babies.

I've already written a huge novel, but I wanted to speak to a few other comments. I know that we would have had a different set of struggles and different aspects to discern through if *I* had been the med student/resident, as opposed to my husband. [This is] why I think the Church is so wise in not giving us a "list" of what is and is not a grave reason to avoid pregnancy, or even a bulleted list as to what defines responsible parenting. I think our culture, specifically, has forgotten what discernment is, and how to do it. (I'd never even HEARD the word discern until after college!). We're so used to our little boxes of bulleted information, that it throws us for a huge loop when there ISN'T a direct answer. The best advice I can give anyone is that when you are following God's will for you....there will be peace. There will be joy. The existence of peace and joy does NOT mean that there will not be suffering. That's not what being at peace and being joyful means. But...when you discover God's plan for you, peace and joy will be there. The reality is that even with contraception, sex still leads toward babies. Every act of sex - even when we fight it with contraception - is ordered toward procreation. If God's plan for you involves only 2 children and working full-time....who am I to say you are wrong? You will know by His gift of peace.

Habemus Papam!

The words of our new Holy Father, Pope Francis:

"And now let us begin this journey, the Bishop and people, this journey of the Church of Rome which presides in charity over all the Churches, a journey of brotherhood in love, of mutual trust. Let us always pray for one another. Let us pray for the whole world that there might be a great sense of brotherhood . My hope is that this journey of the Church that we begin today, together with help of my Cardinal Vicar, be fruitful for the evangelization of this beautiful city."

http://www.news.va/en/news/pope-francis-his-first-words

Goodbye, Papa

Thank you for your wisdom.

Thank you for your humility.

Thank you for your guidance.

Thank you for your prayers.

 Human life is a journey. Towards what destination? How do we find the way? Life is like a voyage on the sea of history, often dark and stormy, a voyage in which we watch for the stars that indicate the route. The true stars of our life are the people who have lived good lives. They are lights of hope. Certainly, Jesus Christ is the true light, the sun that has risen above all the shadows of history. But to reach him we also need lights close by—people who shine with his light and so guide us along our way. Who more than Mary could be a star of hope for us? With her “yes” she opened the door of our world to God himself; she became the living Ark of the Covenant, in whom God took flesh, became one of us, and pitched his tent among us (cf. Jn 1:14). - Spe Salvi

Thank you, Papa, for being a "light of hope" for me and for the whole Church. 

The Lord bless you and keep you: The Lord make his face to shine upon you, and be gracious to you; The Lord lift up his countenance upon you, and give you peace. - Numbers 6:24-26

All images from Wikipedia.

My Thoughts on the Pope's Resignation

...summed up in meme form.

Catholics for Choice Killed a Strawman

Remember my post about Catholic Butts? One of the smelliest derrieres out there is the oxymoronic Catholics for Choice. 

A brief summary the essay linked above: contraception isn't abortifacient, because pregnancy doesn't begin until implantation. Therefore, contraception is OK. The end.

She provides no evidence, other than "because the ACOG says so," to support her assertions. What's interesting is this article from the American Journal of OB/GYNs stating that over half of OB-GYNS who responded (57%) believe that life begins at conception. Only 28% believe pregnancy begins at implantation (16% weren't sure, apparently). It seems that ACOG's official stance doesn't necessarily reflect the beliefs of most OB/GYNs! Imagine that.

She makes no mention of when human life begins. If she believes that life begins at implantation, and not conception, there's a wealth of scientific evidence to the contrary.

She also makes the ludicrous claim that she and her husband, both intelligent scientists, had an inordinate amount of difficulty grasping the difference between "user failure rates" and "method failure rates" when comparing NFP to contraception. I'm a woman of average intelligence with an English degree, and I didn't find the concept that difficult to comprehend. Moreover, she provides no evidence to support her claim that the 99% correct use efficacy of NFP is "a lie." (It's not.)

There is also no discussion whatsoever about the moral aspect of contraception, abortifacient or otherwise. I doubt she's ever heard of Theology of the Body. She seems profoundly ignorant of the fact that Catholic Church teaching on contraception does not rest on the premise that hormonal contraception is abortifacient, but rather that contraception of any type violates the integrity and sanctity of the marital act.

In my opinion, this was the most tragic part of the entire essay:

I plan on going to confession and hearing the priest out. And unless he flatly forbids it, I also plan on taking Communion. Because I am morally sure, in my heart, that for me, this is the proper decision.

Truth is not founded upon the feelings in one's heart. Otherwise all manner of evils could be justified (for example, what if a woman feels morally sure, in her heart, that her adulterous affair with her married lover is the proper decision?).

Let's pray that this woman finds a holy and orthodox priest who will guide her to the Church's teachings about a fully informed conscience and the intrinsic moral evil of contraception.

A Gift for my Catholic Friends

and

You're welcome.

On This, We Agree

The latest issue of the anti-Catholic newsletter Proclaiming the Gospel arrived in my e-mail inbox this morning (I'm subscribed as an apologetics exercise -- it's easier to respond to the arguments of anti-Catholics on the spot if you know what their positions are beforehand).

I've mentioned my frustrating e-mail exchanges with professional anti-Catholic Mike Gendron before, but this time I have to give props to him. He said something with which I wholeheartedly agree:

Let us have a greater compassion for people committed to a religion without any real understanding of what the religion is about. For example, to be "committed to Roman Catholicism" simply because a person was born into a Catholic family is foolish. To be loyal to a religion without investigating its core doctrines and history, is complacent ignorance masquerading as faithfulness. People who follow religious leaders and rituals blindly are either too proud, too lazy or too intellectually dishonest to admit their lives are empty and too paralyzed by deceit to investigate the truth. They do not know why they believe what they do. They have blindly inherited someone else's tradition. Their religion determines their identity and they will defend it even if they are not actively involved in it. Their faith is so "personal" that they dare not speak of it to others?

(emphasis mine)

Amen, Mike. On this, we agree. I was complacent in the denomination of my birth until Collin told me his intention of converting to Catholicism. Once I started investigating the beliefs of my Lutheran faith, I found that they didn't stand up to rigorous intellectual scrutiny, or logic (and I found that the ELCA's beliefs on abortion were equally illogical and contradictory).

As a result, I converted too, and I found out that truly faithful, practicing Catholics didn't just blindly follow the Vatican but rather recognized that the teachings of their faith fit perfectly along a logical continuum. And now I'm always ready and eager to give a reason for the hope that is in me (1 Peter 3:15).

I Am the 98 Percent

Doesn't have much to do with the post, but hey, it's funny.

One of the Obama administration's justifications for the HHS' contraception mandate is that “Contraception is used by most women: According to a study by the Guttmacher Institute [affiliated with Planned Parenthood - hardly an unbiased source!] most women, including 98 percent of Catholic women, have used contraception.”

First off, this argument is completely irrelevant, as the U.S. Bishops point out:

If a survey found that 98% of people had lied, cheated on their taxes, or had sex outside of marriage, would the government claim it can force everyone to do so?

Fr. Andrew over at Shameless Popery also discusses why this justification is both specious and dangerous:

By appealing to the behavior (not belief) of a particular religious group, the Administration (and others) are trying to indict the validity of an actual well-formed Catholic conscience. The claim might as well be: No one really holds that religious view so why should we respect it? This is how a government begins to form a litmus test for who's conscientious objection is worth respecting. We must all be extra careful to not muddy the "conscience" pool further.

However, going back to Guttmacher's "research," their number is quite skewed and dishonest.

You know how I know this?

It's because I am the 98%.

Note that the claim is that "most women, including 98 percent of Catholic women, have used contraception" (emphasis mine).

Those two words are the key to the deception. The statistic is not "98% of Catholic women are in favor of contraception." Nor is it "98% of Catholic women are currently using contraception to prevent pregnancy." It is "98% of Catholic women have used contraception."

That is ME. I used hormonal contraception from approximately June 2001 to February 2003. At the time, I was a practicing Lutheran, not a Catholic. In May 2003, my husband and I converted to Catholicism, and I had already thrown my pills away and started using NFP by that point.

But if a researcher came up to me on the street or called me on the phone and asked, first, "Are you Catholic?" and second, "Have you ever, at any point in your life, used contraception?" my answer to both would be, "Yes."

But is that an accurate reflection of my current views regarding contraception? Does my answer mean that I demand free and available contraception for my especial use? No.

That statistic also does not reflect any of the following facts:

(a) many Catholic women who have previously used contraception at some point in their lives no longer do so (or wish to do so);
(b) many women who self-identify as "Catholic" are not practicing Catholics;
(c) many women who self-identify as "Catholic" and who may attend Mass occasionally or even regularly do not believe the tenets of their own faith (i.e., they are Catholic for reasons of family pressure or family unity instead of a conviction of faith, and thus don't adhere to the tenets of Catholicism).

The CDC, when conducting research into how many Americans smoke tobacco, did not ask "Do you now or have you ever in your life smoked" without any regard as to if that person was currently smoking or had stopped smoking a decade ago. They had very strict criteria for who was considered a current smoker: "In 2010, an estimated 19.3% (45.3 million) of U.S. adults were current cigarette smokers; of these, 78.2% (35.4 million) smoked every day, and 21.8% (9.9 million) smoked some days."

The CDC does not consider someone who smoked for a period of two years nearly a decade ago to be a "current smoker," so why does the Obama administration consider me, someone who used contraception for two years nearly a decade ago, to be part of the 98% of Catholic women who are allegedly clamoring for this mandate? Or, in other words, why does the Obama administration think that every single Catholic woman who has ever used contraception is in favor of forcing Catholic institutions to pay for free contraception for everyone else?

It'd be like expecting members of Alcoholics Anonymous to be in favor of forcing Baptist churches to provide free liquor for everyone! After all, those members have had a drink -- and even drank consistently -- at some point in their lives. In that case, they MUST be in favor of free booze for everyone, right?

A better survey for women would ask the following questions:

(a) Do you fully believe in and practice all of the tenets of the Catholic Church?
(b) If the answer to (a) is yes, do you currently use a contraceptive method of birth control?
(c) If the answer to (b) is yes, why did you lie in (a)?

In the fictional survey above, both (a) and (b) can't be "yes" answers, folks. If a practicing Catholic woman fully believes in and practices all of the tenets of the Catholic Church, then she doesn't use contraception for the purpose of preventing pregnancy.

If she does use contraception and it's not for therapeutic reasons (i.e., it's not used primarily to treat a medical condition with the unintended side effect of being contraceptive, allowed under the principle of double effect), then she's not a practicing Catholic; she's a dissenting Catholic, or a non-practicing Catholic. She is a Catholic butt.

How does it make sense for the government to make laws that bind a religion to provide something -- free of charge, no less -- that only dissenters or non-practitioners of that religion demand? Not only is it nonsensical, it's unconstitutional.

Don't Be a Catholic Butt

The following appeared in my parish's bulletin this weekend.

ANONYMOUS GRIPE

“What about after the baby shower? Will you support the child financially? How dare you!” (-as it was written, including underlines)

Instead of choosing to write a name and participate in praying for the unborn, this unsigned complaint was handwritten on one of our blue cards last weekend for the spiritual adoption of an unborn child. Obviously the person is in a great deal of pain and anger. Please add him or her to your prayers and others who are still angry for whatever reason whenever they hear the Catholic Church preach on legally protecting the unborn.

I do believe that the Catholic Church does a great deal for babies and families. Catholic hospitals, parishes and charities do tremendous good work. Obviously this person can’t see it. He or she points the finger at “you” but who is this unnamed “you?” The person who wrote the message is also part of the “you”, part of the Church that he or she is alleging does not do enough. In fact all of us are “you.”

We must of course respond with prayer and action to promote life as we constantly say, “from the moment of conception until natural death.” An unborn child must be defended and given dignity, but so must the born at whatever age, young or old.

Another person complained yesterday that, “No one else should have a say over my body; abortion is the mother’s decision alone.” This is a common misunderstanding. We are stewards of the Lord’s gifts. Our bodies do not belong to us; they belong to the Lord. And besides, an unborn child is not the women’s body anyway. It is growing inside her body, but it is not her possession. Children are never possessions; they are miraculous gifts from a loving God whether inside or outside the womb.

Of course we should do everything in our power to provide a child with a warm, welcoming and loving family and community with all the proper resources for good health, good education and a firm faith in God and his teachings. Could the Catholic Church do more? YES. Who is the Church? We are all part of the Church including those who complain and get angry at the Church. Jesus teaches us to love...love...love. Let’s all try to do our best to follow him in living the Gospel of Life.

I am deeply grateful to the 1233 people who turned in spiritual adoption prayer cards this weekend. — Fr Hans Ruygt

A little background:

Every January, on the weekend nearest the Roe v. Wade anniversary, my priest passes out pink and blue cards at each Mass. He requests that parishioners pick an unborn child to pray for, give a name to the child, write the child's name on a card, and put it in the collection basket. He also requests that we pray for these children we've spiritually adopted throughout the year, and he includes information about fetal development milestones in the weekly bulletin so parishioners can track the growth of their spiritually adopted child. In October or so, our parish holds a "baby shower" for these babies, in which parishioners bring in baby items to donate to a local CPC.

It is the spiritual adoption, held last week, that prompted the above gripes, and it is to those parishioners that this post is directed.

How dare he? How dare you.

How dare you suggest that children deserve to die because the Catholic Church is allegedly (in your closed, ignorant mind) not doing enough to help them?

How dare you use an event meant to encourage prayer and fasting for the unborn to advance your own ignorant, idiotic, openly anti-Catholic agenda -- at a Catholic Church, no less?

It is a flagrant myth that pro-lifers don't help mothers in crisis. Please do some research into this as you are apparently severely misinformed.

Have you ever heard the old slogan, "you're either part of the solution or you're part of the problem"? If you feel that the Catholic Church, and specifically our parish, is not doing enough to aid mothers in crisis, do something about it. Anonymous bitching and moaning in an offering basket will not help mothers in crisis! Nor will encouraging them to kill their children!

Rather than a nasty note to Father Hans, why not donate to Maggie's Place? I have tried to lead a pro-life group at St. Clare's, but I'm unable to do so due to time constraints. If you start one, I'll join and work as hard and as much as I am able in the service of the unborn and their parents.

As to the person with the nasty comment about it being "my body" -- a woman's bodily autonomy ends where her baby's body begins. It is a human rights violation to deprive an unborn child of his or her right to life. Not only is that Catholic doctrine -- which, if you're attending a Catholic Church, you should be living out and following faithfully! -- but it's also common sense. Non-religious pro-lifers defend life on these grounds.

Both of you need to seriously examine your attendance at a Catholic church. If you think the Church is wrong on the issue of abortion, then I must wonder why you are Catholic at all. If the Church is wrong about this, then what reason do you have to believe She is right about anything else?

When I concluded that my old denomination (ELCA) was wrong, I left it; I didn't stay within the faith that I believed taught error. It made no logical sense to adhere to a faith that promulgated incorrect teachings.

I'm not encouraging you to leave the Church, but I'm asking you to take a look at your reasons for being Catholic. If you're Catholic, you need to adhere to the teachings -- all the teachings -- of the one, holy, Catholic, and apostolic Church. You can't pick and choose which ones to follow like you're at a Chinese buffet trying to decide between broccoli chicken or lo mein. It's all or nothing.

We are all one Body but no one should be the butt. The mindset of "I'm Catholic, but I believe contraception is okay" or "I'm Catholic, but I believe abortion should be legal" is absolutely untenable in the Catholic Church.

Don't be a Catholic Butt. We have enough asses to fill the stable as it is.

Logic: You're doing it wrong

Netflix has been my friend this maternity leave, and I'm catching up on one of my favorite shows, Law and Order: SVU.

Love the show. Dislike the boneheaded logic spouted in some episodes, such as "Mask" (Season 12, episode 13). Here's a choice quote:

"The Catholic Church considers IVF to be a sin. I called the Pope and invited him to come and meet some of our babies. So far, no response." - doctor at a "reproductive services" clinic that does IVF and experiments on embryos

Her logic, simplified:

Babies are good. IVF produces babies. Therefore, IVF is good.
Let's apply that logic elsewhere:

Babies are good. Acts of rape sometimes produce babies. Therefore, rape is good.

Huh? You mean that doesn't work? Rape is still bad and immoral even though the children who are the result of acts of rape are not?

Exactly.

Our son: future deacon?

A few nights ago, as we were getting the kids ready for bed, William picked up a rather large, hardbound book of fairy tales and held it high in front of him. "Look, I'm being Jesus!" he said, pacing back and forth.

It took a minute, but we realized he was mimicking the deacon at Mass, when he goes to read the Gospel. After we stopped laughing, we explained that the deacon was not Jesus, but rather he was proclaiming the WORD of Jesus.

Then we beamed in pride. God willing, we have a future deacon -- or priest -- in our midst!

Eight years ago today...

Collin and I were confirmed into the Catholic Church. Deo gratias!

The Basilica of St. Mary in Minneapolis, MN, our home church.
We lived within walking distance of this gorgeous building.

We were confirmed at a Thursday noon daily mass. Originally, we'd been scheduled to be confirmed on Pentecost Sunday (June 1) with the rest of our RCIA class, but we ended up having to schedule our move to North Dakota for that weekend, so we requested permission to be confirmed earlier. The priest was very accommodating. :) We were confirmed and then went out to lunch with our sponsors. It was a wonderful day!

Eight years later, we still feel so incredibly grateful that God led us to home to Rome.

Do Catholics "blindly follow" the Vatican?

This is one of the best rebuttals to the "Catholics blindly follow the Vatican" myth I've ever read. I use it often, so I thought I'd share. Thanks, Monica!

I think the sentiment you expressed is one held by many- that Catholics blindly follow the Vatican, and never use their brains.

Once a person accepts certain premises that then draws him or her to the Church, they do not cease to think for themselves. However, let's take human sexuality for an example, once I accept the premises that lead me to the Church, the Church's view of human sexuality is infinitely logical and well-reasoned. Even difficult teachings, such as those on sterilization for women who risk their lives during pregnancy, or the teaching that gays must remain celibate, fit perfectly with the tapestry of life that the Church teaches. It doesn't make them easy teachings, but their "ease" is totally unrelated to their "reasonableness" or "truthfulness".

And when those premises are accepted, and a person then hears another Catholic teaching, they don't think to themselves, "Well, that makes no sense, but I'll follow blindly." They hear it, and they think, "Yes, this fits. Another piece of the puzzle that fits perfectly." And if a member of the Catholic clergy starts spouting nonsense, well, then a thinking Catholic will call him on it. This happens regularly.

Because of the absolute consistency in Catholic teaching, it is nice to be able to look up the answers in the back of the book, so to speak. But as someone who has gone through (hopefully) a thorough catechism, a Catholic realizes they aren't answers pulled out of thin air, they are well-reasoned under the premises of Christianity. And so, when a question like the infamous "trolley car switch" comes up, we might do a quick google search on Catholic Answers and feel pretty confident with the answer and reasoning provided.

I am not a moralist or a theologian, and so I let the experts do what they are meant to do- look at situations like tubal pregnancies, euthanasia, etc, and reason it out. I am smart enough to then follow their logical explanation and agree that it's logical. In the same way, I agree to let oncologists treat a cancer, because they are the experts. But if a doc suddenly tells me I need to sleep with a quartz crystal under my pillow, I would sense a logical problem and do a bit more digging. I hope that comparison makes sense.

new post at Catholic Phoenix

My latest post is up at the Catholic Phoenix blog:

The ELCA and Abortion

Great news!

Archbishop Dolan is the new president of the USCCB! Praise God! I was not in favor of Bishop Kicanas' election. (No reflection on the man or his holiness, just concerns about his leadership capabilities and judgment calls.)

Catholic Phoenix blog

You can read my latest post at the Catholic Phoenix blog here: The State of Limbo in Catholic Doctrine.

My Journey to the Catholic Church

I was born to lifelong Lutherans (ELCA) who, of course, baptized all their kids Lutheran. I was baptized on December 28, 1980 -- a date which I realized, soon after my conversion, as the Feast of the Holy Innocents. I sometimes wonder why I wasn't baptized sooner given that I was born six weeks prematurely, but I suppose that in Lutheran circles baptism isn't considered crucial for newborns, even premature ones.

At any rate, I was raised in a Lutheran home. My parents took us to church and Sunday School regularly, a fact for which I am grateful. Religion was sometimes discussed in our home but mostly in response to questions I posed after reading the Bible (which I did at an early age) or watching movies about Jesus. It was never a topic I remember my parents initiating or even discussing in detail (either with us or with each other). My feeling all through childhood was that church and religion were Sunday activities. That's not to say that my parents were nominally religious -- it's just that God, Jesus, religion, etc. didn't seem to play that large a part in our day-to-day lives. That's just my perception, looking back after many years.

I was confirmed in the ELCA in 1994, I believe. I remember that as part of one of the Confirmation classes, we were required to memorize and recite a part of the Small Catechism. I was assigned the Last Supper discourse ("this is my body, given for you...") and I remember being very pleased to have that particular part. Even then I considered Communion to be pretty special. During this time period, my parents were going through a bitter divorce, and my faith was my solace.

In 1999, I went off to college at the University of Wyoming. I began attending a Lutheran church close to campus in Laramie, and also began attending a Christian group on campus called Chi Alpha, run by the Assembly of God church (i.e., fundamentalist). There was no conflict between the two; theology was never really discussed or brought up. I met many fantastic friends through Chi Alpha, including my best friend and former roommate Rose. It was a wonderful college experience. I didn't get too terribly involved with my Laramie ELCA church; I mainly attended because it reminded me of home.

In 2000, at the end of my sophomore year, I met my future husband, Collin, online (via a Harry Potter for Grown-Ups web club!); in 2001 we were married and I moved to Minneapolis, transferring to the University of Minnesota-Twin Cities. I remember being pleased to learn that Collin was, like me, a lifelong member of the ELCA. Although he'd fallen away from Christianity for a time as a teenager, a class he took in college called "The Writings of C.S. Lewis" brought him back and caused him to take his faith more seriously. We were married in Our Savior's Lutheran Church, the same church where I'd been confirmed, on September 1, 2001.

Fast forward a few years... one day, I think it was in early January 2003, Collin surprised me with the announcement that he'd been doing a lot of thinking, research, and praying, and he felt God was leading him to convert to the Catholic Church. I was aghast at the very idea.

As it turned out, Collin had been having a lot of theological discussions with his best friend, who's Catholic, and he had come to the conclusion that the Catholic Church was the only one with the fullness of Truth. I disagreed, but after a few weeks of talking about the issue, I agreed to go to RCIA with him. I thought that if I was going to be raising our potential kids Catholic, then I should know more about the faith. At the time I started RCIA, I had no intention of converting.

I have to admit that things had been bothering me about the ELCA for a while prior to Collin's announcement. For example, I found out that the ELCA's health care plan for its employees (e.g., its ministers) paid for abortion. I found that disturbing, as I've always been staunchly pro-life... and then when I read ELCA's actual statement on abortion, it seemed rather wishy-washy to me. I've since written an article for the Catholic Stand blog going into what exactly I found so disturbing about the ELCA's stance on abortion.

While in RCIA I was confronted with questions I hadn't really thought about before.

First and foremost was the sola scriptura issue. The Catholic Church's authority is like a three-legged stool, with Scripture, Sacred Tradition, and the Magesterium all having equal weight. Protestant traditions all go by the Bible alone. However, when it comes down to it, this doesn't really make sense. After all, Jesus spoke pretty clearly about being a unified Church, but there are 5,000+ Protestant churches who all claim to go by the Bible alone. Who is right? They can't all be right. Would Jesus really leave his church in such confusion?

Also, the doctrine of sola scriptura is not actually found in the Bible. Nowhere does Jesus or any of the Apostles, or St. Paul, say that we should only follow the Scriptures. We are told that the Scriptures are good, profitable, etc., but we are never told they are the sole rule of faith. St. Peter warns against private interpretation of the Scriptures, a cornerstone of the Protestant faith, and St. Paul tells Timothy to follow the traditions he'd been taught! I had never been faced with these apparent contractions before.

Once I concluded that sola scriptura was false, that begged the question: do Christians have an authority on Earth, one that inteprets God's Word in light of our modern times and shepherds Christ's flock?

If you read the early Church fathers, they were remarkably Catholic. They believed in the perpetual virginity of Mary, the transubstantiation of the Eucharist, and so on. The Protestant argument seems to be that the Catholic Church eventually corrupted Christianity and the Protestant reformation put it back on track. But if the Church from its earliest days was Catholic, could it really have been corrupted so soon? It didn't seem logical that God would put his church in human hands, only to see it go corrupt before two generations after Christ.

Also, the Bible wasn't even complied until around AD 400. If we were supposed to go by the Bible alone, what did the earliest Christians do? Moreover, it was the Catholic Church that compiled and established the canon of books of the Bible, so it didn't make sense to me that Protestants trusted the Church to compile an inspired and inerrant Bible, but not to be authoritative in any other way.

Then I started to read more about the Church's claim to authority; that is, that the Pope is the successor of Peter, and it just made sense to me that Jesus would establish an earthly Church with an earthly successor to guide his flock. In addition to giving Peter the keys of the kingdom (Matthew 16:18-20), He even told Peter three times to feed His sheep (John 21:15-17) -- not any of the other apostles, but Peter alone.

Once I began to believe that the Pope was the successor of Peter, the whole papal infallibility concept made more sense, and once that fell into place, so did everything else (the Eucharist, Mary, etc.). I figured that if Jesus had given the Church authority to teach, then I should follow those teachings -- otherwise, I wasn't really following Jesus to the best of my ability.

I also read a lot of converstion stories about Protestants who became Catholic, such as Scott Hahn's Rome Sweet Home and Jimmy Akin's conversion story. Also helpful was Patrick Madrid's Surprised by Truth series. After my conversion I also discovered Mark Shea's books, which are a must-read for anyone considering Catholicism -- especially By What Authority? An Evangelical Discovers Catholic Tradition. I also spent a lot of time on the Catholic Answers forums, talking with other Catholics about the Catholic Church.

Another turning point in my conversion was realizing the beauty of the Mass. When I first started attending Mass (very reluctantly), I thought it was staid and boring. Then came Holy Week. I was struck by how intense the services were, how much they focused on Christ and His passion. We went to the Easter Vigil Mass at the Basilica of St. Mary, and it literally changed my mind about the Mass overnight. The sheer beauty that overwhelmed the senses as I heard the readings and heard the music and smelled the incense -- the pure joy that seemed to emanate from the very stones as the lights of the Basilica were thrown on full force after the darkness of Good Friday -- the happiness of the newly baptized -- well, it was an experience, and I began to see the Mass in a whole new light.

Collin and I were confirmed into the Catholic Church on May 29, 2003. We were originally scheduled to be confirmed at Pentecost, which was that Sunday, but I had just graduated from college two weeks before and we'd made plans to move out of state that weekend, so the priest graciously agreed to confirm us on a Thursday daily Mass instead. I hope the people who attended that particular daily Mass were pleasantly surprised to be present at a confirmation! I took a confirmation name, Anne, because St. Anne is the patron saint of motherhood and I knew it was my vocation to someday be a mother. (As it turned out, our daughter Elanor was baptized into the Catholic Church almost exactly two years later, on May 28, 2005).

Through our Catholic faith we also discovered the joys of Natural Family Planning and have been using it to both achieve and postpone pregnancy since 2003. In addition to our oldest daughter born in January 2005, we’ve conceived an additional eight children, three of whom we lost to miscarriage and one of whom is due to be born in May 2016.

Our home church is the Basilica of St. Mary in downtown Minneapolis, MN. It is an incredible church, full of peace and beauty. The reason we chose it was quite simple -- it was within walking distance of our apartment; actually, the walk was the perfect amount of time needed to say a rosary. As Collin chose that apartment before he'd even considered looking into the Catholic Church, God provided him (and me) the perfect church home even before we knew we'd need one!

photo credit